11.28.17

If I can’t admit it to you
Then who can I tell it to?
Probably a stranger I bet
Or a girl I had just met.
Someone who doesnt know
Who I think I want to be,
Someone who doesnt know
A damn thing about me.
Because I’m too ashamed to admit
That I’m not exactly great.
I’m not a great mate
Or a heart without hate.
But I’ll tell it right now
That I’m not really sure,
How I made it this far
With a soul so impure.
I’ve got the best intentions
And good first impressions,
But I doubt myself so much
That it’s myself I cant trust.
So it’s just kind of sad
How much I could have had,
If I had just loved myself
And kept contempt on the shelf.

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11.18.17

You. You are why I hurt.

You are why I suffer.

But no, it’s me. I am why I hurt.

I am why I suffer and I’d rather die,

Than pine over you anymore.

It’s been so long that I’ve fucked my life,

Over the thought of you

And everything you were,

And everything you are.

But I just can’t help myself.

Because you are such a goddess,

And such a heart of gold,

That I couldn’t resist

Killing myself over you.

You were the one

To take me to the other side,

The greener side of life,

And the greener side of love.

You were the one,

Who would save me from myself.

But what am I left with now?

But the hate I have for myself

And the love I have for you.

 

11.16.17

I lay my head down

In preparation for sleep


But I know it won’t be

A sleep so deep

That I won’t have a dream

Of you and me


And I’ll awake soon later

With cold hands and feet 

Because without you

I’m just not as warm 


I’m just not the same

Inside and out

11.15.17

​The memories come rushing back to me

Memories I don’t deserve to have

And my heart, it breaks open again

Right where the stitches are

That I put in place to mend

But they never stay in place

There’s something more at stake here

Than saving my aging face

Something more important to save here

Than my dignity and grace

11.03.17

Are you happy now? 

That you’ve convinced yourself

That to face agony alone

Is somehow noble of you


You won’t bother anyone

With your nonsensical suffering

Or your self belittling 

Or your torturous torment


You will carry your own weight

And not accept any help

You are alive. You are alone.

And it’s for the better


Besides…


They’d tell you to suck it up

If your pining were known

And you’d say thanks for your help

And continue to walk alone.