12.01.17 (A Memory)

Spiders in the corner of my shower

Remind me of the spiders

In the corner of yours,

A long time ago.

When we were young and in love

As they’d watch us from above

Engaging in water covered kisses

And boldly embracing in bliss

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11.18.17

You. You are why I hurt.

You are why I suffer.

But no, it’s me. I am why I hurt.

I am why I suffer and I’d rather die,

Than pine over you anymore.

It’s been so long that I’ve fucked my life,

Over the thought of you

And everything you were,

And everything you are.

But I just can’t help myself.

Because you are such a goddess,

And such a heart of gold,

That I couldn’t resist

Killing myself over you.

You were the one

To take me to the other side,

The greener side of life,

And the greener side of love.

You were the one,

Who would save me from myself.

But what am I left with now?

But the hate I have for myself

And the love I have for you.

 

11.16.17

I lay my head down

In preparation for sleep


But I know it won’t be

A sleep so deep

That I won’t have a dream

Of you and me


And I’ll awake soon later

With cold hands and feet 

Because without you

I’m just not as warm 


I’m just not the same

Inside and out

11.03.17

Are you happy now? 

That you’ve convinced yourself

That to face agony alone

Is somehow noble of you


You won’t bother anyone

With your nonsensical suffering

Or your self belittling 

Or your torturous torment


You will carry your own weight

And not accept any help

You are alive. You are alone.

And it’s for the better


Besides…


They’d tell you to suck it up

If your pining were known

And you’d say thanks for your help

And continue to walk alone.

10.30.17

​You were here all along

To dissolve the dirt

From my sectioned soul

And absolve my sadistic sins


You were here all along

To tell me I’m only human

I’m merely mortal

And make many mistakes


You were here all along

To forgive me for faults

And face the fears

That detain me in darkness


I’ve been here all along

To learn to love my life

To seek satiety for my soul

And help you to the same

I Miss Our Love (08.24.12)

I miss our barren desert
With nothing to quench our thirst,
Where there was maybe one
Tree to sit beneath
And read quietly to ourselves
With a few bare branches
And only one lonely leaf
To catch the sunshine.

I miss that clock without hands
When hours passed blindly,
While our heads laid in bed
Sunk beneath pillows
And our bodies twisted
Together beneath sheets
Like a candy cane
Glued together with sugar,
So sweet, so sweet
We rotted our teeth.

“Good morning beautiful girl,
Let’s never let this end.”
And we tried our best,
We tried to make it last.
Like those last few pages
Of a really great book,
We read slower and slower,
As we knew we were hooked.

I miss that hole we dug together
Digging day and night
Every night and every day,
Deeper and deeper,
Darker and darker,
But always together.
Dirt piled high from side to side
I’m not really sure
What we were trying to hide.

I miss our hopeless love,
Our naivete and passion,
We both always knew
That we’d never get better,
But at least we knew
We were always together.